


It's Going To Be Alright

by angel_heart



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 11x21 coda, Crying, Depressed Castiel, Episode: s11e18 Hell's Angel, Episode: s11e21 All In The Family, Fix-It, Flashbacks, Gen, Happy Ending, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Mild Angst, Samulet, Season 11, because I ship it, family love, hint of destiel - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-14
Updated: 2016-05-14
Packaged: 2018-06-08 07:43:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6845572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angel_heart/pseuds/angel_heart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>11x21 ending from Castiel's point of view. Also, Cas finally meets Chuck!</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Going To Be Alright

**Author's Note:**

> I just couldn't wait for the moment in which Cas finally meets God so I wrote something while waiting for next week's episode. I finally worked up the courage to post my first fic (after some year or so of heavy fanfic reading), so I hope you enjoy!

Abruptly the pain and darkness goes away.

He opens his eyes, and he is able to see again.

Castiel blinks and finds himself in the bunker, laying face down against the kitchen floor. His thoughts are muddled and his memories are fuzzy, but somehow he feels alright, as though he had just woken up from a very good night's rest. 

Confused, he pushes himself off the floor and stands, not knowing what to do. Castiel looks down at his hands and flexes his fingers. They are as good as new, but the last time he had looked at his hands they had been black and red and burnt all over, so why..? And his legs-- hadn't they been-- what had happened to his legs again? He tries to recall what happened, but all he can remember is pain. The memory of fire burning through him is vivid, power splitting and ripping him apart over and over, and the fear he had felt--  
He clutches at his hair and groans out of frustration. Why can't he remember anything useful? He lets out a heavy breath and looks around him again.  
_Think, Castiel, think_.  
If he is in the bunker, then surely it must mean that Sam and Dean are around? Then suddenly he feels a memory coming back, and it plays, fuzzily, in his head.

_"Cas!"_

_Suddenly he finds himself trapped..again. He feels the heat and power radiating from the holy fire, and fear rises in his throat. Dean is in front of him, but he doesn't look angry. Instead there is a sense of urgency in his eyes. Confused, he asks, "Dean?"_

_Dean rushes over to him and calls his name with an emotion that Castiel can't read._

_"What are you doing? What's.. what's going on?"_

_Dean's voice is gentle when he replies,"Cas, listen to me, we don't have a whole lot of time okay? Now--"_

_But before Dean could finish his sentence Lucifer rips him from control and he is thrown back into the bunker in his mind. There, he shrugs and smiles, because it was very good to see Dean again. Waiting quietly for the battle can get rather boring and tiresome sometimes. So to pass time he sits and fixes his eyes on the TV once again as the man on screen captures his attention with the ultimate question-- "Is it going to be alright?"_

The memory triggers a series of others, and as he pieces together the images that come flooding back one after another, Castiel's heart begins to pound faster, erratic against his chest. Fear twists in his gut and he leans against the TV in front of him for support.

Amara isn't dead, because Lucifer can't kill her.

Lucifer can't kill her.

Castiel begins fighting control for his vessel, using what little is left of his grace to battle Lucifer's glory. It's an idiotic move, really, because in doing so he nearly destroys himself, but he doesn't care. Anger pulses through him and he wants-- _needs_ to hurt whoever is at fault, which just turns out to be... well, him.

Again.

After all this time, he _still_ has not learned. As if his past mistakes weren't enough-- letting a whole world of monsters into the world and slaughtering thousands of his kin by trusting Crowley, aiding in the fall of angels by putting his faith in Metatron, and now-- now he goes and makes a deal and says 'yes' to the devil? 

God, what the _hell_ is wrong with him?

He fights, using everything he has, and for a moment he feels Lucifer's control falter.

"What is it, Castiel?" Lucifer echoes in his head, his voice seemingly distant and distracted.

Castiel takes a moment to reply, so heavy with emotion he could barely speak. He says, his voice shaky, "You - you lied to me. Amara isn't d -"

Lucifer sighs, "Not now, Castiel." 

Then suddenly the TV beside him is on and playing and the familiar, lighthearted voice of the television host asks again, for the hundredth time, "Is it going to be alright?"

Castiel stares at the screen and thinks about the question-- _really_ thinks about it and decides, for the first time since the deal with the devil... **no**. For the first time he _really_ thinks about what he has done by setting Lucifer free, and he cannot even begin to comprehend the weight of his mistakes, the hurt he has caused, and the damage he will cause. Amara is still out to destroy the planet, and Lucifer will no doubt start another apocalypse sooner or later, and everything Sam and Dean has worked for-- it will all be for nothing. Every sacrifice they made, everyone they lost, will all be worthless-- because of him. Because of his selfish longing for recognition, to be a hero. 

He thinks about how far he has strayed, and feels shame and guilt pricking at his eyes. He is a soldier, created to follow and serve and fight. How could he have been so vain, wanting credit for more than he will ever be worth?

His shoulders sag, anger gone as quickly as it had came, and he laughs. It's a bitter, defeated sound, and he thinks, _I should be dead._

If only God had left him dead for good when Lucifer destroyed him years ago, this would not be happening and the world would be much better off.

"Why, father?" he asks, and his voice breaks and echoes in the bunker of his mind. "Why do you keep on bringing me back?"

Just then, the walls around him start to crack. A hot, white light seeps in and Castiel feels power pulling him forwards into the blaze.

When he opens his eyes the next moment he finds himself laying with his cheek plastered to the bunker floor once again.

Hands grip at his shoulders and hauls him off the ground, then there are arms around him and a familiar voice says, "Cas,"

"...Dean?"

Dean doesn't let go, but instead pulls him closer and says again, "Cas,"

Castiel wraps his arms around him and hugs back uncertainly. "Is.. is this a dream? What's going on?"

"No, Cas," Dean says, with a relieved huff, "this is real. _I'm real_. We're in the bunker. You're back home."

Castiel pulls away and shakes his head. "I-I don't understand."

Sam appears from behind Dean then, and explains, "Lucifer's not the one behind the wheel for now, Cas, you are,"

His body suddenly feels heavier at the mention of his brother's name, and he wishes he had never been created at all. "Lucifer is powerless against Amara," he says, "I was wrong."

"Yeah, no kidding," Dean replies simply.

Castiel shifts his gaze away from the brothers and looks down at his feet, unable to meet their eyes. "I'm sorry. For everything I've done. I-I want to fix it, but..." His face burns and he feels something hot run down his cheeks. When he looks up at Sam and Dean again their faces are blurry, and he turns his back to them, ashamed.

But when he turns he finds that there is someone behind him. "Hey, Cas,"

Puzzled, Castiel quickly wipes away the tears on his face and says, "Chuck, what are you doing here?"

Chuck shrugs and huffs out a nervous laugh. "Um, I don't know. Just.. wanted to see how my boy is doing?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Um, Cas," Dean calls softly behind him. Castiel watches Dean as he reaches into the pocket of his jacket and finds his necklace, and he can't believe his blurry eyes. 

The amulet is glowing, and its light is so bright and divine that it makes him afraid.

His breathing becomes difficult as he turns back to Chuck, barely able to get the word out. "...Father?"

When Chuck pulls him into an embrace Castiel could not hold back the sob that escapes him and he breaks. Cries rack through him in never-ending waves, and he bawls and bawls into his father's hold.

Chuck tears up a little too as he watches Castiel in his arms, because in that moment he realizes just how much love he feels-- _can_ feel for his son, and a messy surge of emotions overwhelm him-- something like fear and fondness and pain and happiness all at once.

"I'm here now, boy," he says, as he runs his fingers through Castiel's hair in gentle strokes.

"It's going to be alright."


End file.
